Still

My fiance still isn't speaking to me. I haven't tried since yesterday, I'm afraid to. I'm not a zombie anymore like I was yesterday, now I'm just...sad. I see him online, on every source we usually contact each other with, and I know I can't try, shouldn't try. I can't believe it's going this far, over one thing I didn't want to do. I feel like there's something else he's not telling me, something causing him to be upset and using what happened as an excuse to let that anger out. I just don't understand. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him. Every time I don't wish him luck on a mission, and tell him I love him, I terrified it could be my last time talking to him. I hate not saying it.

My doctor just called. See, I have 2 herniated discs in my back, and I was recommended to go see a specialist. My mom wants me to see a chiropractor. I'd rather meet with the doctor to discuss options and hopefully avoid surgery. She refuses to take me to the doctor because she doesn't agree with me. She thinks I'm overreacting. When I heard her voice over the phone tell me she wouldn't bring me, I lost it. I hung up, fell to the floor, and cried. I'm in so much pain, all the time, and now the man I love refuses to speak to me because I said I didn't want to do something that one time. That was three days ago. Three days he won't speak to me. That's all we have. All we have, and he refuses.